Dear newspapers,

So, I heard you can’t adjust to the times.

I really want to have sympathy for you, but I don’t think this headline made the front page of any US papers:

Yes, when life gives you lemons it can be tough to make lemonade. But when life gives you the Mexican Navy finding cocaine in frozen sharks you have no fucking excuse. Consider yourself on notice, media. And while I’m ranting, quit acting like we’re all unemployed, when I tun on NPR you’d think it was 25% unemployment. Most people still have jobs, and most people are making what they were a year ago. Bitches all cryin cuz they can’t charge their entire lives anymore.